In a room lined in black foam she sits on a bare floor; knees up - feet crossed -head down
There is nothing left for her to look at - hand print impressions remain where she pushed out at the dark boundaries
She stared at them until they burned into her brain
If only some were pushing in trying to save her
They called her Goth spitting out the word like a rotten piece of meat
Her dark cloth and dark mood was what she was
Now she is naked and alone with black images and ugly words as companions
Not alone then?
She wished for a way out - a door - a rope
They do not come
With fading hope she falls to her side
Her fragile mind has lost its stride
The lies they told - they never tried
They never took there girls side
They left her there to wallow and quiver
To claw and yell and fall and wither
Alone
With thoughts so dark and cold
They never told her - never told
The truth

I reveal all my feelings one line at a time
My body drips tears showing the signs
My fingers walk scars like rungs on a ladder
I climb the rungs higher - reminders - each sadder
My mind closes up as my skin opens wider
My fears start to spread like the legs of a spider
If I start to seize will you hold my arms down?
Will you sit on my legs and not make a sound?
Will you look in my eyes to calm down my rage?
And kiss my lips softly till I pass through this stage?
No you don’t - you leave me alone
You take what you want then go out and roam
So knock me around if it makes you feel better
I will just make more patterns redder and redder
Kick me again and see if I care
Drag me around by the roots of my hair
Hit me again and cut my face with the ring you have on
While you curse and you pace
The scars that you give me fail to compare
With the war I wage on myself
I don’t care
Anymore - I don’t need reason or rhyme
I reveal all my feelings one line at a time
A swell of emotions take over my brain
Wells of depression like holes filled with rain
I step in a hole and start to sink down
I am up to my neck and I can’t turn around
Someone is there but they just turn away
No one to save me on this dark rainy day
My head goes under - my eyes grow wild
I hold my breath like a willful child
But after a while I just let it go
And continue sinking way down below
The growing darkness the cold on my skin
My hair floats around like a slow blowing wind
Its quieter now - there’s calm and there’s peace
My mind starts to slow - my thoughts start to cease
I have to wake up now and I know how to do it
I take up my tool and get right down to it
The shock brings me back I know I’m alive
I see the proof running smooth deep and wide
Spilling out for all to see
Except no one is here to see - only me
So now I am back and I must clean up this mess
The proof was for me let everyone guess
What I was doing
Now I can rest
Another rung on my ladder of life
Another reminder of pain grief and strife
I am sad and I am lonely in this harsh world of mine
I reveal all my feeling one line at a time

She walks in stillness
Headstones and epitaths showing the way
Dead leaves shatter the silence with every dragging step
Hard twigs cut at her feet
Her hot blood mingles with the cold loam of the earth
Causing the bones of the long past living to shutter and call
She hears them and wants to join them in their darkness and peace
But they laugh at her
She is already one of us
She just doesn't know it
She lies in bed this morning to finish a broken dream
Shes trying to mend her heart but THAT only ends in veins
She went to bed crying
Wishing for better things
Wants to see the future but feels only pain
Fractured thoughts and fractured lies have shattered her soul to pieces
She sees the world through lifeless eyes
Her carefree lifestyle ceases.

A foggy breeze dense and moist
Hides the trees dead of course
She walks alone no heart inside
Her arms hang down thin and dry
She feels the cold but only just
She moves her legs - her joints like rust
She looks for love she never found
In places dark and damp
A sound
A voice so soft and ringing clear
She lifts her head - the voice is near
Its hard to move the brambles tear
Her flesh is sore - her feet are bare
Blood runs free but that’s OK
Shes use to it like childs play
At least that’s something she can feel
The voice just laughs and makes it real
She start to weep like gentle rain
But not from sadness or the pain
She likes those things they make here free
She weeps for those she cannot see
On the other side
She finds a log -- the voice is soothing
She sits down -- the voice is wooing
She extends her arm -- the voice is cooing
She cannot wait for love
A line appears - dark and lovely
Smooth and slick not foamed or bubbly
“It feels so good” the voice cries out
“Wash away your fears and doubt”
“I love you! - I love you!” the voice keeps saying
“Don’t stop till your done” “Until your done paying”
“For what?” She asks - but nothing comes
Her world grows dark - her blood still runs
I love this place of loss and gain
To feel the scars with out the shame
To see my life running down
And drop away without a sound
No one to judge no one to care
I’m free to do my will - my dare
Eternal love and carefree bliss
I love this place
I love this
Love

The odor of latex gloves covering her mouth still lingers
Like memories fresh and painful
The sharp rubber smell brings images of lies and force and fear
She’s alone again in a room so bright that tears stream from her eyes when she opens them
She cannot wipe them or cover them strapped to a bed
No rest or sleep or peace
The only sound
Not real?
Are voices telling her to come
You are one of us
You just don’t know it
Its time
With halting steps she left this place
With ragged breaths and haunting gaze - she went to them
The only place she felt eternal love
They came to her and held her hand
Guided her as they ran
To another place - another home
That other place that she had know
Inside
Outside some cried and called her name
Some cursed and yelled and laid the blame
She didn’t hear or give a care
She’s free at last - free to dare
To live
Or die

Heavy rain not tears - too cold
Clouded thoughts dark - so old
They forgot her; her essences
Left it behind
After they were done
Playing
Bright flashes rip her sky as she looks out at nothing
She can’t see them hidden
They don’t want to see her
They don’t want her
Won’t feed her what she needs
To stop the rain

Your sight hurts my eyes
Too bright
Too clean
Your thoughts are not mine
They feel plastic
Not mean
Large eyes shining
Gleaming
Destroying my peaceful darkness
Will I never return to my prison
My only place alone
Why do you do this
Torture me
Hate me
Rate
Me
I fall into your gaze and dissolve
You sweep me up and resolve
To fix me
When I am not broken
Or wasn’t
Until you looked at me
With
Large eyes shining
Too bright
Too clean

My beautiful goddess screams at love
It hurts me deep inside
She said I was free as the sky above
Like him she only lied
She licked my wounds and stole my heart
Her whims I did abide
I threw away my shields for her
Stripped myself of pride
Like him she used me a toy to own
To break and then discard
To leave me to cry and ache alone
My body bruised and scarred
Again alone I hate myself
I cry and cry so hard
I lay alone my head a cage
My mind is also scarred
I feel my heart it hurts so badly
I want to make it stop
I find my tool hold it tight and to my knees I drop
I close my eyes and breathe in rough
I feel the sting inside

I part my eyes to see the loss The scarlet rivers rise
The deeper it goes the better it feels
It’s a dangerous move I know
But I want to see that pool rise
My rivers run and flow
My mind is numb my body weak
So I lie down on my side
In a sticky pool so warm and sweet
I take the final ride
My thoughts are black and full of hate for everyone I know
But now there is calm; a restful state I let my body go
It’s ending now I know my fate
I feel the rivers flow
My face is wet but not with tears as I lie here still and cold
My bed is soaked and I don’t care I’ve dropped my heavy load
I hear a drip soft and slow falling to the floor
The sound is getting distant now as I close that final door
Send me a wreath of blood red roses just before I die
Then send me a vase of pure white lilies to match my skin so dry
Then send me a box of old black roses as I rot before your eyes
Then drop on my grave soft pink petals as you say your forced goodbyes
Now I am free as a brittle leaf that fell from a dieing tree
To fly around in a swirling wind in a stormy sky for me
My beautiful goddess that screamed at love will no longer sleep you see
I will fall on her eyes from darkened skies
She will scream at the site of me

Puddles
My knees are sore from cobble stone pavement
Working in alleys dark as a raven
Doing thing your don’t tell your mother; if she even cared
Eating alone in secluded places
Hiding from those that would steal my last crumb
Walking alone in far away places
Swaying my hips but not for fun
In slow moving paces - I want to run
I live for today lonely and faceless
In a rat hole I call home
I have no place to run - nowhere to hide
From the words in my head and the view in my eyes
My world is a mess- my life is not real
The people around me I cannot feel
I am just to be use and forgotten - not real
They cannot see my real life - so unreal
It rained tonight, lucky me - is was a busy day its time to get clean
I use rain water puddles to take a bath
Drinking it first so the taste is not bad
I know an alley where the puddles are deep
Not too many rats have drank before me
I get down on my hands and then on my knees
I shoo away flies and start to drink deep
But there is a face in the water lit by the moon
Palled and drawn, ugly and ruined
The face stares out with vacant eyes
Black and hallow and full of lies
Dirty hair hanging down, touching the water just like mine
I cry for her, this ugly thing, dirty and wasted - full of pain
As my tears fall down so do hers
The meet at the water and make rings and swirls
I say the words “you poor ugly girl”
She says them back with an echoing snarl
That’s when I see with rising horror that she is me
Filled with sorrow
I hit at the water splashing the pool
Wetting my cloth - I feel like a fool
I bang on the hole until my fists are bruises
And my knees are bloody - my energy used
Until the watery hole is shallow and muddy
My mind is blank- again I loose
I back up to a wall then slide behind a trash can
I curl in a ball as small as I can
It’s starting to rain
again
I am getting wet
again
Water is filling the hole
again
The image will be in the puddle
again
My arms ache for attention
again
For the stinging love
again
I just want this night to end
again